


a letter on the body

by bluedew (cobilt)



Series: untold undertales [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Letters, Undertale Genocide Route, frisk is just a kid but the underground is not a nice place, probably not chara, semi possession, thinking emoji, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 09:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11056311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobilt/pseuds/bluedew
Summary: They wrote a letter for you to find in their pocket.You sit and read it as the sunlight streams through the windows.///a flash fiction exploring frisk's descent.





	a letter on the body

There’s a certain tenderness in my heart when it comes to something bittersweet. That slight smile when your cheeks are dampened with tears. That weak laughter of relief once you survived a risky situation. That pain of a resurfacing happy memory that you know you can never relive. This is what I yearn for. Yes, raw happiness and sadness are great on their own, but as you grow up, you cannot live on those two alone.

And this is why I did what I’ve done. I crave that beautiful and tragic balance of emotions. I wanted to see the people I knew and cherished in a new light. I wanted to fully understand them. Is that too much to ask?

I told myself - swore and made a promise to myself - that I wouldn’t hurt my friends, no matter what. I only wanted to build a stronger bond. I only wanted to finally know them. I wanted to break them down. Build them back up. Understand why they are them. That’s not selfish of me to ask, right?

But they all look so wonderful when they cry.

What horrible thing to say. To mention. To even think. But to me, it’s true. It’s undeniably and utterly true. There’s only so many happy faces that someone can display to their friends and family. The smile and bright eyes that everyone knows and recognizes you by. The silly masks and soft expressions. You never see the faces they hide away in private places when they show their true feelings. Those tear-stained cheeks, or the grimace of pain. Always hidden away from prying eyes, never uncovered and never revealed. And to the ones they hate the most, will they show certain faces too. That scowl of rage, the gritted teeth and narrowed eyes.

How unfair is that, to only let certain people know of certain sides of you? It’s terribly and wrongfully unfair. When you care about someone, when you love them and see them as your closest friends and family, shouldn’t you want to see every part of them they have to offer? I do. I’ve met people that I adore and love with all of my heart, so I hurt them. That makes sense, right?

Even if it’s sadistic, even if it feels wrong and horrifying, it gives me some sense of understanding and fulfillment to see another side to someone I knew. The side they hide away from others; what they believe is an ugly and embarrassing part of them that doesn’t deserve to be known. The parts and pieces of them that I will forever cherish.

Their smiles. Their frowns. Their hope. Their despair.

Their care. Their hate. Their strengths. Their weaknesses.

Their friendliness. Their violence. Their praise. Their insults.

Their trust. Their sacrifices.

Their rage. Their fear.

Their pain.

Their love.

Each of them, so complex, so mesmerizing, so complete when put together. It’s wonderful.

I was never like this. To be honest, it’s mostly THEIR fault. I fell into THEIR world, and only then I came to appreciate those tucked away treasures. But to say they are to be fully blamed is not true either.

That’s why I ran away, didn’t I?

I wanted to build some panic. Feel the emotions of confusion, loneliness, anger, acceptance, relief, joy. Feel the weight of my actions in my body. Feel the power that I could inflict on both myself and onto others. I couldn’t wait to go back and get a hug that felt a little too tight. I couldn’t wait to cry into her shoulder and say I’d never leave again. I couldn’t wait to finally feel loved. That isn’t strange, isn’t it?

But now that I came HERE, I could experience all of that sooner than I thought, and even more. I could be not only hugged, but embraced. I could not only cry, but sob. I could not only be loved, but be cherished. And I could feel all of it over and over and o v e r .

As I said, I wasn’t like this before I fell here. I was disgusted at the mere thought of going back to rip away my friends from their rightfully earned happy life. I was content only knowing their one mask of happiness and wide smiles and hearty laughter. But it all seems fake after a while. Forced. False. Boring. I never got to see the ugly and the beauty that they had hidden away. Then…

Then I remembered THEM. And THEY offered an alternative. The option to know more. Experience more. Learn more. So I went back once. Met my friends again. Relived the memories that I knew to heart. And I went back AGAIN, listening to THEM.

And THEY were right; they all look so wonderful when they cry.

Why… Why am I writing this? I suppose, it’s an explanation. I want to tell you about why I did what terribly, horrible, unforgivable things I did. And I wanted to write an apology. You’re the one I’ve put through the most, right?

I know you’ll never forgive me. I’d have to… Well. We both know what I’d have to do to earn your mercy. But know that I’m sorry.

Even though one of my happiest moments were when you hated me, when you killed me over, and over, and _over and over and **overandover,**_ I know you couldn’t have enjoyed it like I did. You never would.

You know, you looked so awesome. Who knew someone like you could be so… So powerful? I still feel shivers when I recall my very first death inflicted by you. Your burning rage, your utterly quick execution; it’s all such a shock. You were so gentle before; so care free and happy. Out of everyone else, you’re probably that person I love the most. I know it’s one of the last things you’d want to hear out of someone like me, but I still had to say it. Because it’s true. And nothing can change that.

I also wanted to tell you one more thing…

I’m stopping. Now.

I’m not going any further.

I’m quitting.

Don’t worry! I’ll go back one last time. Set things in order. Bring back Toriel. Undyne. Alphys. Mettaton. Asgore. Papyrus. After that, I’m done.

Only you, me, Asriel, and THEM will know.

But after all of that, I can’t play the part of the hero any longer. THEIR voice is too loud in my head. THEY drown out my thoughts and the cries of my friends trying to bring me back. So I’ll listen to you. I won’t ever come back. I promise, this time.

Thank you for stopping me.

Know that I loved them all with my entire heart.

I’m sorry.

I’m so, so, so sorry.

My only regret is that I will never see the face that you have hidden, Sans.

I love you so much.

I’m sorry.


End file.
